You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
