guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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