just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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