i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize