Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
