Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
