Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
