Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
