I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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