Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
