i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
