If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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