Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
