how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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