3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
