Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
