he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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