How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
