listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize