walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
