Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
