haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
