Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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