she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
