Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
