guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
