She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
