I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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