my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
