Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
