Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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