Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
