Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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