You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Say something about gay babies.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
