I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
