First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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