There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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