Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
