Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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