in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I touched a dick in church today
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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