i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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