glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
