She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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