ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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