Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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