Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We had sex on a dog bed..
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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