Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
