I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
