her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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