I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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