The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
