Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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