I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
