Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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