So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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