I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
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