I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
