cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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