Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
