it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
