What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
