Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
